Blowing Up

Recently I shared my goals with a fellow athlete about breaking 9 hr during the Ironman and running a sub 3 hr marathon off the bike.  We started joking about going all out to reach the goals and either succeeding or "blowing up."  The more I thought about it though, I don't do that.

I have dreams, such as winning a race or breaking 9 hr, but once the race starts I shift my focus to the present moment.  I've been down that road too many times of constantly checking my watching and hoping that I can reach my goal to validate my life. Fortunately, I've realized it only adds undue stress.

Now I've given up the watch, the heart rate monitor, the end outcome, and I focus on process goals.  I focus on things I have control over: my technique, my nutrition, and getting to the next tree or landmark.  Even triathlon legend Brett Sutton, encourages his professional athletes to focus on their race until the last 10k before focusing on other athletes.  A lot can happen over the course of an Ironman.

I see the difference as between Dreams and Goals.  Goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-related.  They are specific behaviors.  Dreams are desires.  They help with motivation and emotion, but do not provided practical strategies.

Many many things can happen on race day, or in life, to us and others.  It may be hot, I may be a little sick, I may have mechanical issues, or I may not get the promotion or job I wanted.  But it's not the end, they don't define me, and they don't have to steal my joy.  By focusing on things inside of my control, every race or challenge can be a success regardless of external factors.

I'm going to continue to dream big, while living in the moment, and focusing on the specific behaviors I have control over.

Inspiration - Warren Buffett

When it came to school, Warren Buffett was never that interested in pursuing a degree.  He preferred to work and make money.  He originally planned to skip college and go straight into managing stocks.  After much debate with his parents, he attended the University of Pennsylvania then transferred to the University of Nebraska. After graduation he decided it would be beneficial to network with other business professionals and applied to graduate school.  His dream was to attend the Harvard MBA program.  Unfortunately, he was rejected by Harvard for being "emotionally immature and not leadership material."  As a result he had to settle for Columbia University, which happened to have as a faculty member his favorite investment author, Ben Graham.  Under Graham's tutelage Buffett learned investment lessons he would use for the rest of his life.

Remember, there is always a silver lining in every situation.  Some times it just takes awhile to see it.

Insecurities

After reading Lance Dodes' book Breaking Addictions, it's strengthened my resolve that insecurities, and how we cope with them, are the root of our problems.  Insecurities lead to issues such as addiction, depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation, anger, and other behavior problems.

Insecurities

Body

Finances

Hair

Sexual Ability

Intelligence

Social Skills

General Inferiority

In the book, Dodes shares the stories of several clients who's insecurities led to feelings of being trapped and without options.  This sense of helplessness then triggered behaviors to ease the pain.  When addiction is viewed in this light, the drive to act seems normal.  If you are trapped in a cave, you're going to react strongly.  A client named Ron felt unheard so he drank.  Amy felt bossed around so she coped with sex.  Kevin felt he needed to be flawless so he coped by gambling.  Karen felt devalued in her career so she ate. Matthew felt ashamed about not being smarter so he used cocaine.  All of these clients had major issues, but through small empowering changes they broke free from their addictions.  

Defense Mechanisms

• Denial - refusal to accept reality
• Acting out - expressing feelings through extreme behaviors
• Dissociation - zoning out and disconnecting from the world
• Displacement - expressing emotions towards loved ones vs the person you're really angry with
• Repression - blocking unacceptable thoughts or feelings
• Intellectualization - suppressing emotions
• Rationalization - distorting the facts to make situations more acceptable 

When examining addictions and other destructive behaviors, the chain reaction typically starts with implementation of a defense mechanism.  Matthew would repressed thoughts of not being smart enough during the day. By night time, the tension was so high he felt trapped and the only perceived option was to use cocaine.  But what if he made a small change.  What if, when he noticed his defense mechanism, he said something like "this moment doesn't define me" or made a joke out of the situation.  For myself, I typically intellectualize and suppress my emotions as a defense mechanism.  My small change has been to force myself to experience the emotion for 2 minutes.  Not a huge amount of time, but it's a change that has provided me with a little more power and resulted in better sleep.  Other healthier defense mechanism options include:

• Sublimation - channeling unacceptable impulses into other behaviors such as exercise or humor
• Compensation - counterbalancing perceived weakness by emphasizing strengths or benefits
• Assertiveness - being direct, respectful, & firm

Don't underestimate the small change.  It's more realistic to happen and can be very powerful.

Buffett was Focused

When Bill Gates and Warren Buffett were asked for a single word to epitomize their careers they both said 'Focused.'

Warren went on to say that "The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say 'no' to almost everything...Saying 'no' frees you up to say yes when it matters most....And that's what gives you the time to accomplish so much."  I often find myself saying 'yes' and trying to do too much, then I run out of time or create undo stress.  It ends up impacting my relationships and my sleep.  I need to say 'no' more often.

From my perspective, success in life begins and ends with focusing on oneself.  If your body and mind aren't healthy you can't do what you want to.  You can't help those you want to help or fully engage in personal tasks.  Warren often said, "Who's your most valuable client?  Usually yourself, therefore sell yourself 1 hour each day."  He believed that if you don't intentionally make time for yourself, life will consume you.  When preaching to shareholders or students, Warren asked them to "Imagine that a genie in a bottle offered you any car in the world at age 16 yo.  The only caveat was that it would be your only car for the rest of your life.  How would you treat it?"  Would you regularly change the oil, rotate tires, have an expert examine it, or research proper car care?  Sometimes I get caught up in life, running my engine at 100% pushing away red flags hoping I can sustain my pace without breaking down.  I need to listen to those flags and make small adjustments to break that cycle.

Another Buffett epigram was "Be careful of looking for a gold needle in a haystack of gold."  He knew himself and he knew his niche.  He did not invest in companies he did not understand.  Gates encouraged him to invest in Intel during the early 1990s, but he held to his maxims and declined.  He would not give up that level of safety.  Likewise, as an adolescent he was not particularly athletic or sociable, but he had an aptitude for business.  Instead of following others, Warren focused on becoming the richest man in the world.  He sold used golf balls, he delivered newspapers, and he contracted with local barbershops to place pinball machines in their stores.  As a young adult, he attended a Dale Carnegie workshop to improve his public speak.  Albeit, it took him two times to actually work up the courage to attend.  Never the less, he was careful and focused on the long term.

The difference I see in myself is a lack of long term focus.  I have goals and ideas, but I often fail to implement them.  I think I get caught up in day to day issues and focus on the short term.  I rationalize that my long term goals are not possible right now. Tiffany thinks it boils down to fear.  She says I don't need a detailed road map to take that first step.  I just need faith and the perspective that failure is never final.  My new goal is to get back to writing out a weekly schedule that can help me implement long term goals.