Insecurities

After reading Lance Dodes' book Breaking Addictions, it's strengthened my resolve that insecurities, and how we cope with them, are the root of our problems.  Insecurities lead to issues such as addiction, depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation, anger, and other behavior problems.

Insecurities

Body

Finances

Hair

Sexual Ability

Intelligence

Social Skills

General Inferiority

In the book, Dodes shares the stories of several clients who's insecurities led to feelings of being trapped and without options.  This sense of helplessness then triggered behaviors to ease the pain.  When addiction is viewed in this light, the drive to act seems normal.  If you are trapped in a cave, you're going to react strongly.  A client named Ron felt unheard so he drank.  Amy felt bossed around so she coped with sex.  Kevin felt he needed to be flawless so he coped by gambling.  Karen felt devalued in her career so she ate. Matthew felt ashamed about not being smarter so he used cocaine.  All of these clients had major issues, but through small empowering changes they broke free from their addictions.  

Defense Mechanisms

• Denial - refusal to accept reality
• Acting out - expressing feelings through extreme behaviors
• Dissociation - zoning out and disconnecting from the world
• Displacement - expressing emotions towards loved ones vs the person you're really angry with
• Repression - blocking unacceptable thoughts or feelings
• Intellectualization - suppressing emotions
• Rationalization - distorting the facts to make situations more acceptable 

When examining addictions and other destructive behaviors, the chain reaction typically starts with implementation of a defense mechanism.  Matthew would repressed thoughts of not being smart enough during the day. By night time, the tension was so high he felt trapped and the only perceived option was to use cocaine.  But what if he made a small change.  What if, when he noticed his defense mechanism, he said something like "this moment doesn't define me" or made a joke out of the situation.  For myself, I typically intellectualize and suppress my emotions as a defense mechanism.  My small change has been to force myself to experience the emotion for 2 minutes.  Not a huge amount of time, but it's a change that has provided me with a little more power and resulted in better sleep.  Other healthier defense mechanism options include:

• Sublimation - channeling unacceptable impulses into other behaviors such as exercise or humor
• Compensation - counterbalancing perceived weakness by emphasizing strengths or benefits
• Assertiveness - being direct, respectful, & firm

Don't underestimate the small change.  It's more realistic to happen and can be very powerful.