Blowing Up

Recently I shared my goals with a fellow athlete about breaking 9 hr during the Ironman and running a sub 3 hr marathon off the bike.  We started joking about going all out to reach the goals and either succeeding or "blowing up."  The more I thought about it though, I don't do that.

I have dreams, such as winning a race or breaking 9 hr, but once the race starts I shift my focus to the present moment.  I've been down that road too many times of constantly checking my watching and hoping that I can reach my goal to validate my life. Fortunately, I've realized it only adds undue stress.

Now I've given up the watch, the heart rate monitor, the end outcome, and I focus on process goals.  I focus on things I have control over: my technique, my nutrition, and getting to the next tree or landmark.  Even triathlon legend Brett Sutton, encourages his professional athletes to focus on their race until the last 10k before focusing on other athletes.  A lot can happen over the course of an Ironman.

I see the difference as between Dreams and Goals.  Goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-related.  They are specific behaviors.  Dreams are desires.  They help with motivation and emotion, but do not provided practical strategies.

Many many things can happen on race day, or in life, to us and others.  It may be hot, I may be a little sick, I may have mechanical issues, or I may not get the promotion or job I wanted.  But it's not the end, they don't define me, and they don't have to steal my joy.  By focusing on things inside of my control, every race or challenge can be a success regardless of external factors.

I'm going to continue to dream big, while living in the moment, and focusing on the specific behaviors I have control over.

Inspiration - Warren Buffett

When it came to school, Warren Buffett was never that interested in pursuing a degree.  He preferred to work and make money.  He originally planned to skip college and go straight into managing stocks.  After much debate with his parents, he attended the University of Pennsylvania then transferred to the University of Nebraska. After graduation he decided it would be beneficial to network with other business professionals and applied to graduate school.  His dream was to attend the Harvard MBA program.  Unfortunately, he was rejected by Harvard for being "emotionally immature and not leadership material."  As a result he had to settle for Columbia University, which happened to have as a faculty member his favorite investment author, Ben Graham.  Under Graham's tutelage Buffett learned investment lessons he would use for the rest of his life.

Remember, there is always a silver lining in every situation.  Some times it just takes awhile to see it.

Insecurities

After reading Lance Dodes' book Breaking Addictions, it's strengthened my resolve that insecurities, and how we cope with them, are the root of our problems.  Insecurities lead to issues such as addiction, depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation, anger, and other behavior problems.

Insecurities

Body

Finances

Hair

Sexual Ability

Intelligence

Social Skills

General Inferiority

In the book, Dodes shares the stories of several clients who's insecurities led to feelings of being trapped and without options.  This sense of helplessness then triggered behaviors to ease the pain.  When addiction is viewed in this light, the drive to act seems normal.  If you are trapped in a cave, you're going to react strongly.  A client named Ron felt unheard so he drank.  Amy felt bossed around so she coped with sex.  Kevin felt he needed to be flawless so he coped by gambling.  Karen felt devalued in her career so she ate. Matthew felt ashamed about not being smarter so he used cocaine.  All of these clients had major issues, but through small empowering changes they broke free from their addictions.  

Defense Mechanisms

• Denial - refusal to accept reality
• Acting out - expressing feelings through extreme behaviors
• Dissociation - zoning out and disconnecting from the world
• Displacement - expressing emotions towards loved ones vs the person you're really angry with
• Repression - blocking unacceptable thoughts or feelings
• Intellectualization - suppressing emotions
• Rationalization - distorting the facts to make situations more acceptable 

When examining addictions and other destructive behaviors, the chain reaction typically starts with implementation of a defense mechanism.  Matthew would repressed thoughts of not being smart enough during the day. By night time, the tension was so high he felt trapped and the only perceived option was to use cocaine.  But what if he made a small change.  What if, when he noticed his defense mechanism, he said something like "this moment doesn't define me" or made a joke out of the situation.  For myself, I typically intellectualize and suppress my emotions as a defense mechanism.  My small change has been to force myself to experience the emotion for 2 minutes.  Not a huge amount of time, but it's a change that has provided me with a little more power and resulted in better sleep.  Other healthier defense mechanism options include:

• Sublimation - channeling unacceptable impulses into other behaviors such as exercise or humor
• Compensation - counterbalancing perceived weakness by emphasizing strengths or benefits
• Assertiveness - being direct, respectful, & firm

Don't underestimate the small change.  It's more realistic to happen and can be very powerful.

Buffett was Focused

When Bill Gates and Warren Buffett were asked for a single word to epitomize their careers they both said 'Focused.'

Warren went on to say that "The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say 'no' to almost everything...Saying 'no' frees you up to say yes when it matters most....And that's what gives you the time to accomplish so much."  I often find myself saying 'yes' and trying to do too much, then I run out of time or create undo stress.  It ends up impacting my relationships and my sleep.  I need to say 'no' more often.

From my perspective, success in life begins and ends with focusing on oneself.  If your body and mind aren't healthy you can't do what you want to.  You can't help those you want to help or fully engage in personal tasks.  Warren often said, "Who's your most valuable client?  Usually yourself, therefore sell yourself 1 hour each day."  He believed that if you don't intentionally make time for yourself, life will consume you.  When preaching to shareholders or students, Warren asked them to "Imagine that a genie in a bottle offered you any car in the world at age 16 yo.  The only caveat was that it would be your only car for the rest of your life.  How would you treat it?"  Would you regularly change the oil, rotate tires, have an expert examine it, or research proper car care?  Sometimes I get caught up in life, running my engine at 100% pushing away red flags hoping I can sustain my pace without breaking down.  I need to listen to those flags and make small adjustments to break that cycle.

Another Buffett epigram was "Be careful of looking for a gold needle in a haystack of gold."  He knew himself and he knew his niche.  He did not invest in companies he did not understand.  Gates encouraged him to invest in Intel during the early 1990s, but he held to his maxims and declined.  He would not give up that level of safety.  Likewise, as an adolescent he was not particularly athletic or sociable, but he had an aptitude for business.  Instead of following others, Warren focused on becoming the richest man in the world.  He sold used golf balls, he delivered newspapers, and he contracted with local barbershops to place pinball machines in their stores.  As a young adult, he attended a Dale Carnegie workshop to improve his public speak.  Albeit, it took him two times to actually work up the courage to attend.  Never the less, he was careful and focused on the long term.

The difference I see in myself is a lack of long term focus.  I have goals and ideas, but I often fail to implement them.  I think I get caught up in day to day issues and focus on the short term.  I rationalize that my long term goals are not possible right now. Tiffany thinks it boils down to fear.  She says I don't need a detailed road map to take that first step.  I just need faith and the perspective that failure is never final.  My new goal is to get back to writing out a weekly schedule that can help me implement long term goals.

Warren Buffett and Patience

Over the next few blogs, I will share some of my favorite quotes and lessons I learned from the book Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life.  

During his youth, Warren and his friends would go to the horse track. They found they could make money gathering hastily discarded tickets that did not win 1st prize, but still paid out a small sum.  One of the early lessons he learned at the track was patience. "When a loss occurs, you don't have to make it back the way you lose it."  In other words, you don't have to win the next race or even win a horse race.  One could earn back their money through a variety of means.

It reminded me of other losses and failures people experience.  Losses at a casino, in the stock market, during the swim or bike segments of a triathlon, or during one's 20s, 30s, or 40s.  Buffett goes on to say, "Be long-term greedy, not short-term greedy."  When I act hastily or ruminate on the past it only dampens my present state and future.  I try to remember what's important to me and that a lot can happen over the course of a marathon or a triathlon or life. I may lose a few minutes to my competitors during the bike, but I can gain it back during the run.  I may lose out on a promotion, but gain enrichment in my marriage.

Warren also encourages people to not "fixate on what you paid for a stock."  What's done is done.  "In the short term the market is a voting machine. In the long run it's a weighing machine."  I see his advice as a call to not worry about what the news media says or what is popular.  Stocks and fashion change from day to day.  He encourages people to think for themselves.  "Do what makes sense, not necessarily what has been done in the past."  I try to remember that I have a lot of knowledge from my past experiences and don't have to defer to others.

In regards to money management, Warren reminds people that "A bird in the hand (now) is worth two in the bush (future)."  Be careful where you spend it.  If I go out too fast in a race, burning matches, I won't have any for the finish.  Likewise, if I invest a little in relationships now, they will grow stronger and pay huge dividends in the future.

In the end, be patient and remember that you are the navigator of your life.  "Mister Market is your servant not your Master."

Inspiration - Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss's first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected 27 times before it was finally published in 1937. It later went on to win the Lewis Carroll Shelf Award.

Dr Seuss published a total of 46 children's books during his life. He received several honors including two Academy awards, two Emmy awards, a Peabody award, and the Pulitzer Prize.

"Just Try Harder"

Trying harder is not a plan. When counseling clients about nutrition I often hear, "I'm going to watch what I eat." When discussing behavior change people often say, "I'm not going to do that anymore." When discussing race strategy I often hear, "I'm not going to go out so fast this time." Unfortunately wanting to do something and doing it are not the same. We have this illusion that if we just try harder things will magically be different next time.

In reality, we are all trying our best at any given moment. No one is intentionally trying to fail.  If they are it's with the hope of meeting some larger goal of feeling better.  Therefore, accept your humanity and change your strategy.

Sustained change results from having a specific plan.  One that's not based on emotion or will power, because during times of stress or exhausting, rational thinking is in short supply.  That's why people overeat or drink after work. See ego-depletion or Daniel Kahneman to learn more on the subject.  Having a specific plan eliminates the need for will power.  A specific plan makes issues black and white, thereby minimizing risk.  When a situation arises, the plan takes care of it.  No thinking or rationalizing is needed.

If you want to decrease your intake of sweets, be specific.  How often will you allow yourself to eat sweets? Once a day, three times a week, once a week, etc.  How many servings will you allow yourself to eat?  Pick a specific plan and trial it for a week.  At the end of the week, assess your findings, and adjust.

If you want to exercise more, assess past barriers and develop a plan.  How often will you workout: three times a week, five times a week, etc.  Will you workout in the morning, afternoon, or evening?  If for some reason you can't workout at that time, what is your backup plan?  How long will you workout?  If something comes up, is it possible to reduce the amount of time and increase the intensity?  If you get tired of your usual exercises, what are other exercises you could do.  What are you going to say to yourself or physically do to stay motivated? Whenever I have trouble getting out of bed to exercise, I force myself to brush my teeth then reassess the situation. Often the exhaustion goes away.  I also remind myself that I will feel better afterwards and have less stress the rest of the day.    

Life is a journey.  Think about your issue.  Decide on a specific behavior that will address the issue. Trial your strategy. Make adjustments if need be.  Now is the perfect time, with Lent, to trial a new behavior.