Choices

"Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you, and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again." 

- Steve Jobs

Jobs was telling us we have options. We may not like the options and our options may be limited, but we always have a choice. In psychology, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) posits that our options include:

1. Solve the problem

2. Change how you feel about it

3. Accept it

4. Stay the same

5. Make the situation worse

Sometimes the situation can be solved by a simple action or plan. Other times, the situation is more complex and is not able to be solved in the moment. From there we can change how we feel about it. I didn't win the lottery. "Oh well at least I won't have people harassing me for money." Sometimes that's easier said than done. Another option is to accept the current situation. It's painful, but we realize we can't do anything this very second or today. We're not giving up, but rather acknowledging the current reality. Maybe our flight is delayed and we're going to be late. We look into other flights/mode of transportation, but can't find anything acceptable. Therefore our only option is to accept the current situation and wait for an opportunity to change. Staying the same or making the situation worse, both result in misery. We can continue to complain, yell, get drunk, blame ourselves, but nothing changes for the better. 

In my marriage, I encounter several choices each day. I can comfort & support Tiffany or I can push for my agenda. It's a balancing act I often fail. A wise counselor once told us, "If you both go to the well for support, neither one of you is going to get water."  

The secret I've found is to pause, breath, and allow myself time to think. Sometimes I still push for my agenda, but pausing at least allows for the opportunity to think rationally.